WALLY VS. KGB

Wally’s day has changed badly. Wally’s apartment is bugged. Wally has been the Karl Rove of Latvija for too long. First the Nashy go after Estonian cousins. Next Latvija. The FSB is after Wally Just like Litvenenko and Berezovsky. Oh Fuck Wally is deep in trouble. I wonder if that Swedish perverts is in on it.

Wally’s intellectual readers might remember that Wally was out with hot Latvian chicks last night. One was Russian and she ask Wally many questions like how much money does Wally make and does he go back to America or Canada. This afternoon after coming back from law office Wally saw a fly on his ceiling. It looked like a fly. But it was dead and felt like plastic. Wally was drinking at work so Wally was not absolutely sure.

Wally called his landlady Missus Mittijs. Missus Mittijs said it was a fly that was stuck. Wally’s landlady Missus Mittijs gave a funny look. Her dead husband was a Communist Party member so Wally never trusted her completely. Better dead than red they used to say.

There was a knock at the door. It was a police officer who asked about a dead prostitute. Someone saw Wally on Čaka ielā. I did not kill anyone. This is a set up. Classic KGB games. Wally needs to go to the bar and make a strategy. Wally will keep his readers informed!

Cold Lighting of the Morning for Wally

Wally woke up a few hours later with a terrible hangover. Wally will never mix balsams and vodka again! Wally spent a lot of moneys on chicks last night. Wally saw that they were good Latvian girls with strong morals. Wally met them after being at Paldies Dievam piektdiena ir klāt where Wally pumped journalists for information and planted stories. Most of girls hanging out there were tight assed snobs and probably lezbos. Wally went over to Maksims on Čaka ielā where the girls are friendly.

This morning Wally had a long talk with a Latvian-American friend. Wally’s friend read Wally’s essay on Homos. Wally’s friend explains that this is bad press for Latvija and makes Latvija look intolerant. Wally’s friend asks Wally if Wally really wants the world to look on Latvija as a nation that hates Homos and minorities. Wally wants a good image for Latvija!

Wally will now retract his half cocked position on Homos. Wally thinks that he was half cocked on Blog Chief Giustino too. Blog Chief Giustino is a New Yorker that understands the true meaning of tolerance. Wally does not appreciate being forced to imagine ass sex. You must understand that Wally is a man who loves his women. Wally finds it impossible to understand how a man could not love women like Wally does! However Wally will soften his position on Homos. Wally hopes that Latvijas Homos enjoy their next parade and enjoy their ass sex after the parade! Lai dzivo Homo Latvija!

HOMO FOR EESTIMAA ????

Wally is very upset with his brothers at his brother blog Itching for Eestimaa. Wally saw that until last week Blog Chief Giustino was taking a hard line on the Russian minority by demanding rights for English speakers. Wally saw that in a time before that Blog Chief Giustino told Russian intelligence in his forum to blow him. However Wally sees that Giustino has followed this political bravery with a soft postion with homosexuals . What is happening to Blog Chief Giustino and his brave blog? Wally sees that Itching for Eestimaa is becoming Homo for Eestimaa!

Wally was happy to know that his fellows in Latvija decided to be tough on homos. The European Union did not appreciate this tough position on the asses of homos. The European Union wants a soft position with homos. Wally however saw Jānis Kardināls Pujats take a tough position on the asses of homos when Kardināls described it as ”absolute depravity in sexual behavior”!!!! If the Katholic Church says to Wally that something is wrong then I think that is good enough for Wally to believe. However Wally sees that Blog Chief Giustino and his New York Liberals think they are better than the Church of God.


Wally sees that homosexuality is a term which comes from the word “homo” which means same. Wally sees that when we order homo milk from the store we are asking for the same milk we bought yesterday and not some fruity mixture from Stockholm. Wally knows that we are told by our friends in the West to be multicultural. Wally asks his intellectual readers how having sex with the same sex is at all multicultural?



Wally sees that Latvija and Estonia need to make babies. Wally has seen demographic crisis for long time. Blog Chief Giustino is a married man with children but he is in favor of turning the Estonia he loves into Homo Eesti! Wally can promise his intellectual readers that he will never allow Wallyworld to become Homoworld. Wally knows that for this to happen the homos will have to pry his gun from his cold dead hands! Wally writes this essay while he is drunk on balsams and vodka after hot night with Latvian girls. Wally loves his chicks! Wally loves Itching for Eestimaa. Wally believes it is possible that in the cold lighting of the morning he will regret being half cocked on Homos.

The End of Pussy Bullshit in Estonia and Latvija!

Wally thinks there has been enough pussy talk and behavior. Wally thinks we have sucked up to minorities and their patrons in Russia long enough. Wally thinks it is time to push back. What do Wally’s readers in Wallyworld think? Wally wants to know. Wally sees four recent examples where Baltic people are pushing back.
First Wally was happy to see the Estonian government people move the Bronze Hero-Man. The Bronze Hero-Man has won numerous Kremlin awards for killing and raping. But Wally see that these awards are not politically correct anymore. The Estonians did good.

Second Wally saw the Latvian government pressure for a law that expands lawmakers powers in national security. Wally saw our Woman Presidents Freiberga try to stop this smart law with a referendum. Wally saw this referendum fail because the law was smart. Wally sees that we must take a strongheaded position against terrorists and criminals.

Third Wally saw the scandal surrounding Reins Langs, Estonia’s embattled Justice Minister. Wally heard that Minister Langs wanted to spend his birthday watching a play about Nazis and that he wanted his guests to dress up like Nazi people from 30’s. Why is this a scandal?????? I wanted a lapdance from a fat woman with no hair for my 40TH birthday who would maybe have relations with Wally after party. You know what? No scandal! Wally had relations with the fat bald chick after his party. The story appeared in Vakara Ziŋas the next day. There was no scandal for Wally. Wally continued his job as the Karl Rove of Latvija. The Minister Langs scandal says to us that Estonian government peoples have had enough of pussy shit around fascism. We enjoy Nazi plays! Let us watch Nazi plays in freedom!

Fourth Wally reads with interest the comment section of his brother blog ‘Itching for Eestimaa’. The Blog-Chief Giustino wrote a passionate and angry piece demanding for language rights for English-phones! Good for you Blog-Chief Giustino! Comment section showed less tolerance for French-phones who have had it too easy in Estonia! At last Estonians take strong positions on minorities!

Wally is happy to see the end of pussy bullshit in Estonian and Latvian politics! Wally is very drunk when he wrote this essay. Wally had Jimson weed with some sleazy girls last night. Maybe Wally cannot stand by his writings. Maybe Wally can. Wally lies and says extreme things when he is fucked up on junk. Wally likes sleazy hot girls on hot Rīga nights!

‘Swedish Pervert Hamerbergs Hates Estonian Women!’: Wally’s source

Wally has a real juicy story for his readers this time. It is about Tomass Hamerbergs who is the Commissioner for Human Rights for the Council of Europe. Wally always gets the inside stories for his readers.

Wally believes that his intellectual readers know that Hamerbergs last week made recommendations to Estonia. Wally read that Hamerbergs who is Swedish told Estonia to make certain that all new babies in Estonia get Estonian citizenship. Hammerberg also told Estonian government people to give more help for minority languages including mostly Russian. Wally read that this means language reform in schools.

As you know Wally has inside sources everywhere. Wally’s inside source in Tallin said that some Estonian government people are very unhappy with this pressure from the European Council. Wally notes with interest how this pressure comes after the scandal over the Bronze Hero-Man Soldier. The Bronze Monument is a monument of a Soviet soldier who is remembered for killing and raping and winning prizes during World War II. The monument was moved to another location. Russian youths who were encouraged and organized by Russian embassy officials began throwing rocks and smashing stores and also stealing booze from stores because they look up to the Bronze Hero-Man.

Wally has one big question. Why would Hamerbergs make his recommendations now when relations with Russia are so tense? Is Hamerbergs working for Russia? Is Hamerbergs a Russian agent? Wally has a theory. Wally has an inside scoop. Wally has a policy recommendation for Estonian government people.

First Wally has a theory. Wally has learned that Hamerbergs was the Secretary General of the Olaf Palme International Center. Olaf Palme was a socialist who was too soft on the Soviet Union. Ergo Hamerbergs is soft on the Soviet Union. Wally also has a suspicion that Hamerbergs gets hard for the Soviet Union. Why should we be surprised if Hamerbergs gets a hard on for helping Russia counter Estonian democracy. Tomass Hendriks Ilvess, the Estonian Presidents, gave an interview to Germany’s Deutsche Welle this week. Ilvess said that Russia’s foreign policy desires to re-establish the lost greatness of the Soviet empire. Read about Ilvess’s interview in Latvijas premier daily newspaper Diena. On this point Wally would disagree with Presidents Ilvess. The Soviet Union was not great. Wally sees that Hamerbergs thinks that the Soviet empire was very great. Hamerbergs is so hard with nostalgia that he is grinding his ax on the Democratic Republic of Estonia.

Second Wally has his inside scoop. Wally has a secret source in Tallin who investigated Hamerbergs. When Hamerbergs was Presidents of Amnesty International he developed a sexual fascination with Estonian women. Wally’s secret source said that Hamerbergs’s sexual fascination developed into full blown mania and psychosis when Hamerbergs became Presidents of the Olaf Palme Center. ‘Hamerbergs would always leave meetings for long masturbation sessions’, said sectret Tallin source. ‘Hamerbergs would disappear with a copy of Estonia’s premier pornographic glossy magazine Sexer and have multiple orgasms’. Wally’s inside source said that Hamerbergs developed courage to ask Estonian girls on dates. Wally thinks Hamerbergs was married. This did not stop the pervert Swedish “Human Rights champion”. Wally’s inside source said that all Estonian girls rejected Hamerbergs because he’s a balding Swedish geek who looks like a frog and a little bit like the little monkey man from Abba. This turned Hamerbergs into a full blown psychotic with a hard on for revenge on Estonia. ‘This ‘Swedish Pervert Hammerberg Hates Estonian Women!’ said Wally’s inside source. ‘He wants to get back at them. His message is loud and clear. Hamerbergs says Estonian girls better date him or he will help the Soviet Union get Estonia back’.



Third Wally has a recommendation for Estonian government people. Latvijas old style with regards to citizenship and minority policies was to do it Latvijas way and ignore the world until a big crisis explodes. This is what legal negotiators like Wally Kranich call ‘leveraging your bargaining position’. Estonia should give this Swedish perv a big ‘Fuck You Hamerbergs!’ and send him a letter that says all new babies will be deported. Photographs of trains taking hundred of new non-Estonian babies to the Russian border will scare the shit out of Hamerbergs the Swedish perv. Hamerbergs will shit his pants. Hamerbergs will be like ‘These Estonians have leveraged their bargaining position! They have some genius Karl Rove advisor on their side!’ Wally thinks that when Estonian Presidents Ilvess writes his letter to Hamerbergs Ilvess should tell Hamerbergs to keep his filthy Swedish hands off Estonian girls and try Albanian or Hungarian girls instead!

Wally should add here that he is suspicious about his secret inside source in Tallin. Wally learned that his inside source was not in Tallin but in the United States. Wally's inside source was also on Wally's Transatlantic Drunk Trunk Line when secret source spilled the beans. Wally has after hours parties to attend in Vēc Rīga tonight so Wally does not have time to fact check. This story may be false.

Wally questions whether Swedish Hamerbergs is a perv with a hard on for Estonia and its girls. This might be untrue. Or it might be true? Wally wonders how can we explain Hamerbergs irrational attack on Estonia? We have more questions than answers.

Valdis Zatlers' hairy mess?

Wally Kranich has more inside sources than you can imagine. Wally can't verify the accuracy of every single story that passes over his large oak desk. But Wally will share the stories with you because Latvians and the world have a right to know.

New President Valdis Zatlers has very nice hair. It parts on the right in a floppy way that says "Hello! I am a president with good hair!"

Wally has met the new president many times and even before he was elected by Saeima to be president. Wally was wearing a disguise in my role as the ultimate political insider so Zatlers did not know it was Wally.

Wally's presidential source told to me a rumor that Zatlers spends 200 LVL on his haircuts. This is approximately the same amount that United States Presidential candidate Džons Edvardss paid for his haircuts using Democratic Party money. For that scandal Edvardss looked like a primpy woman. What kind of Presidents does Latvija have if this is what Zatlers spends his money on?

Wally's source investigated farther. Wally's source says that Zatlers uses state money for his haircuts. Wally's source says that the scadal of a few years ago in which Āris Auders accused Zatlers of purchasing inexpensive spinal implants from his wife was not about corruption. It was about Zatlers getting more money for expensive haircuts in Paris!

Wally's secret source also said to Wally that that when Zatlers was orthopedic surgeon he often took twenty minute hair mousse breaks in the middle of surgey if he felt that his floppy part was not looking good for the ladies!

Wally does not believe this inside source! Wally's inside source at Presidential Castle is an alcoholic and a liar! Wally believes this is another instance of more lies from the Kremlin targeted at tarnishing the reputation of Latvijas new President!

You have handsome hair Mister Presidents!



Photo: laikraksts Diena