‘Swedish Pervert Hamerbergs Hates Estonian Women!’: Wally’s source

Wally has a real juicy story for his readers this time. It is about Tomass Hamerbergs who is the Commissioner for Human Rights for the Council of Europe. Wally always gets the inside stories for his readers.

Wally believes that his intellectual readers know that Hamerbergs last week made recommendations to Estonia. Wally read that Hamerbergs who is Swedish told Estonia to make certain that all new babies in Estonia get Estonian citizenship. Hammerberg also told Estonian government people to give more help for minority languages including mostly Russian. Wally read that this means language reform in schools.

As you know Wally has inside sources everywhere. Wally’s inside source in Tallin said that some Estonian government people are very unhappy with this pressure from the European Council. Wally notes with interest how this pressure comes after the scandal over the Bronze Hero-Man Soldier. The Bronze Monument is a monument of a Soviet soldier who is remembered for killing and raping and winning prizes during World War II. The monument was moved to another location. Russian youths who were encouraged and organized by Russian embassy officials began throwing rocks and smashing stores and also stealing booze from stores because they look up to the Bronze Hero-Man.

Wally has one big question. Why would Hamerbergs make his recommendations now when relations with Russia are so tense? Is Hamerbergs working for Russia? Is Hamerbergs a Russian agent? Wally has a theory. Wally has an inside scoop. Wally has a policy recommendation for Estonian government people.

First Wally has a theory. Wally has learned that Hamerbergs was the Secretary General of the Olaf Palme International Center. Olaf Palme was a socialist who was too soft on the Soviet Union. Ergo Hamerbergs is soft on the Soviet Union. Wally also has a suspicion that Hamerbergs gets hard for the Soviet Union. Why should we be surprised if Hamerbergs gets a hard on for helping Russia counter Estonian democracy. Tomass Hendriks Ilvess, the Estonian Presidents, gave an interview to Germany’s Deutsche Welle this week. Ilvess said that Russia’s foreign policy desires to re-establish the lost greatness of the Soviet empire. Read about Ilvess’s interview in Latvijas premier daily newspaper Diena. On this point Wally would disagree with Presidents Ilvess. The Soviet Union was not great. Wally sees that Hamerbergs thinks that the Soviet empire was very great. Hamerbergs is so hard with nostalgia that he is grinding his ax on the Democratic Republic of Estonia.

Second Wally has his inside scoop. Wally has a secret source in Tallin who investigated Hamerbergs. When Hamerbergs was Presidents of Amnesty International he developed a sexual fascination with Estonian women. Wally’s secret source said that Hamerbergs’s sexual fascination developed into full blown mania and psychosis when Hamerbergs became Presidents of the Olaf Palme Center. ‘Hamerbergs would always leave meetings for long masturbation sessions’, said sectret Tallin source. ‘Hamerbergs would disappear with a copy of Estonia’s premier pornographic glossy magazine Sexer and have multiple orgasms’. Wally’s inside source said that Hamerbergs developed courage to ask Estonian girls on dates. Wally thinks Hamerbergs was married. This did not stop the pervert Swedish “Human Rights champion”. Wally’s inside source said that all Estonian girls rejected Hamerbergs because he’s a balding Swedish geek who looks like a frog and a little bit like the little monkey man from Abba. This turned Hamerbergs into a full blown psychotic with a hard on for revenge on Estonia. ‘This ‘Swedish Pervert Hammerberg Hates Estonian Women!’ said Wally’s inside source. ‘He wants to get back at them. His message is loud and clear. Hamerbergs says Estonian girls better date him or he will help the Soviet Union get Estonia back’.



Third Wally has a recommendation for Estonian government people. Latvijas old style with regards to citizenship and minority policies was to do it Latvijas way and ignore the world until a big crisis explodes. This is what legal negotiators like Wally Kranich call ‘leveraging your bargaining position’. Estonia should give this Swedish perv a big ‘Fuck You Hamerbergs!’ and send him a letter that says all new babies will be deported. Photographs of trains taking hundred of new non-Estonian babies to the Russian border will scare the shit out of Hamerbergs the Swedish perv. Hamerbergs will shit his pants. Hamerbergs will be like ‘These Estonians have leveraged their bargaining position! They have some genius Karl Rove advisor on their side!’ Wally thinks that when Estonian Presidents Ilvess writes his letter to Hamerbergs Ilvess should tell Hamerbergs to keep his filthy Swedish hands off Estonian girls and try Albanian or Hungarian girls instead!

Wally should add here that he is suspicious about his secret inside source in Tallin. Wally learned that his inside source was not in Tallin but in the United States. Wally's inside source was also on Wally's Transatlantic Drunk Trunk Line when secret source spilled the beans. Wally has after hours parties to attend in Vēc Rīga tonight so Wally does not have time to fact check. This story may be false.

Wally questions whether Swedish Hamerbergs is a perv with a hard on for Estonia and its girls. This might be untrue. Or it might be true? Wally wonders how can we explain Hamerbergs irrational attack on Estonia? We have more questions than answers.